I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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