We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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