He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
God, I missed his penis.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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