and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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