Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
