nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
