We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
