So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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