So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Still dying that you shit outside
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
