He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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