cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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