I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
