Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
