before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
