I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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