Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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