I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
