Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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