Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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