WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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