does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Damn victory sex feels great
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
