We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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