I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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