i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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