If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
