you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
