I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
