If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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