I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
