didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
