Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
