just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
