Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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