Taylor Swift is so right about you.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
