God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
