I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
