I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
