Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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