last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
