i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
