Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
