You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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