I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize
