apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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