Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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