Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
