Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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