my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
