A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
