I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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