I cannot find my penis.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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