If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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